Psych Moments

So I've just recently started my psych rotation on a floor that specializes in patients with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and shizoaffective disorder. I've been out of psych for long enough that I miss it. Random moments and exchanges with patients that you won't ever experience anywhere else happen on these floors. Here are a couple:

First day getting adjusted--I am suddenly distracted from a conversation with a biploar patient due to a loud noise. I ask the patient to repeat what she just said. She responds, "Look, I know I have a short attention span, but I'm bipolar. What's your excuse?"

Second day, talking to a patient with schizoaffective disorder. I attempt to assess his ability at abstract thinking by asking him to interpret the saying 'A rolling stone gathers no moss'. Our exchange:
Patient: Stones don't gather moths. Besides moths couldn't lift stones either.
Me: No, moss.
Patient: Oh, that changes everything. That rock is a loser. The moss is the winner.
Me: Why is that?
Patient: The rock couldn't gather any moss so the moss must have gathered all the stones!
[I still don't know how to interpret that one]

Third day, walking up to patient who is rolling their eyes in every direction, " I can't even see my eyes!"

Another patient, when asked if she was Catholic, said, "I'm on the cusp."

A HIV+, 60 year old man diagnosed with shizoaffective disorder that was coming down off a recent crack binge was asked about his goals, "I'm just trying to get a grip on what little years I got left."